Desire to be "Grown-Up"

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
-C.S. Lewis

I connected very strongly with this quote. My childhood was short-lived. I'm not going to tell some dramatic story or say that it was stolen from me. It was just short-lived. When I was 8 I stopped caring about toys, bedtimes, blue's clues, etc. I stopped caring about what I assumed were childish things. I wanted to be old. I wanted to prove that I was capable of being old because I wanted to do fun adult things. I wanted my own house. I wanted to be able to drive. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to be a fancy boss lady person. I had no desire to be a little kid that nobody listened to. I recognized at a young age that people spoke for me. That people assumed they were experts on when I was hungry, when I felt sleepy, when I wanted to come inside from playing with my friends. There were no questions, just assumptions. I was never "seen as an equal." I had had enough of it. This didn't mean that I didn't enjoy childish things, to this day I still enjoy childish things. I changed, as Lewis said "A tree grows because it adds rings. A train doesn't grow by leaving one station behind and puffing on to the next." Me attempting to be an adult does not mean I grew . I find it interesting that we believe we are growing just because time is passing and we are aging. I had never seen it from that perspective. My physical growth had little to do with my mental/spiritual growth. I find it strange that now that I am in college, having finally achieved the age I've always desired to be, I find myself longing for the days when I did care about toys, bedtimes, and what time blue's clues would be on. I am no longer eager to grow up but very appreciative of my youth I am currently wrestling. I still long for someone to read me bedtime stories. I wonder if I am the person God created me to be, or if I am still on the way to the person he intended. I also wonder what age we deem appropriate to wonder whether or not we have reached the person we were created to be.