But seriously, how did this natural, biological function which nearly everyone experiences and which is necessary for the continuation of life become so taboo? If sex is, as we claim, a gift from God, why is it so hard for me to think about it in a positive light? When I think about sex, and I try not too, I associate it mostly with the basest of hedonism. I can't see it as being an expression of love. I can only see it as something men do to give themselves a high and something women do to make themselves feel loved or wanted. I'm honestly afraid that if I get married, it's going to feel dirty the first time I do it, because I will have only ever thought of it as something I can't do.
Most people seem to fall into one of two camps: those who prefer to ignore sex completely, and those who are obsessed with sex but have no respect for it. Christians fall into the former camp. The nonreligious fall into the latter camp. (Let me pause to assure you that I'm not stupid enough to think my generalizations are absolute.) You either think about sex all the time and get stupid with it, or you understand the significance of sex and try to pretend it doesn't exist, even though you know or assume everyone spends a lot of time thinking about or doing it anyway, appropriately or not. It's a really bad case of ignoring-the-elephant-in-the-room.
Consider this specific situation: having "the talk" with one's kids. Why is this so awkward? It doesn't seem like it should need to be? "Son, this is how babies are made." It's a perfectly innocent process. Are we afraid the son will immediately be filled with a burning desire to go make his own babies as soon as he knows how? Isn't that just as likely to happen if he learns about it from someone else?
And previous generations of parents were even more squeamish than ours. My parents gave me "the talk" but I don't think their parents ever did it with them. Even pregnancy used to be something people couldn't talk about. I remember in Cheaper by the Dozen, that the Gilbreth children knew nothing beyond the fact that their mom always seemed sick right before another baby showed up. Eventually she fell sick at random, and the kids asked when the "newest model" would arrive. Dad conveniently had to leave for work right away, leaving Mom alone to figure out how to avoid explaining anything. Because if she explained that she had seemed sick before because the babies were in her stomach, then the kids would have asked how the babies got there, and then she would have had to explain the process of intercourse, and that would have kicked the kids' hormones into high gear so they'd all go out and debauch themselves and there would be no way she could talk them out of it!
That's the logic they used, right?
Now, I don't think kids need to know very much about sex, but you'd think grown adults could discuss it without everyone getting either giggly or suddenly silent. Why can't we talk about sex as easily as talk about eating? They're very similar. Both are natural biological processes through which most people derive pleasure and which everyone has to do to live or perpetuate life. Both are good things that only become sinful and cause problems when people do them too much or at the wrong times. The only difference is that one is confined to marriage while the other is done out in the open, several times a day, by people of all ages. But in every other respect, we can treat the two subjects the same way.
For some reason, the church has allowed sex to become "dirty." I don't know how long ago it was, but at some point Christians started trying to disassociate themselves from sex. We've allowed the world to take over the concept, and they keep inventing new ways to corrupt it. Polite society likes to act like they're above sex, yet they all indulge in it privately. Every few months, one of them gets caught in a sex scandal, and for some reason we're shocked every time. On the rare occasions that the church does talk about it, it's only to talk about the ways people misuse it. It's presented as that thing that rapist and prostitutes do. I almost never hear Christians talk about the good that comes when sex is done the way God intended. We're just short of treating it like it's inherently sinful.
We have to do something. I'm sure what an appropriate level of attention on sex would look like, but we can't keep ignoring it. It's too pervasive to not address and to let the world treat it however she wants would be more irresponsible than to risk talking about it more than necessary. We need to spend less time censoring things related to sex and spend more time talking about how to enjoy and discuss in an edifying way.
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| Because I hypocritically refuse to post a picture that has anything to do with sex. |
why do you need to talk about sex exactly? what would the conversation be like? "Hey, do you know sex is fun?" ..is that how it goes. How has the Church made sex dirty..do you seriously expect a pastor to talk about the pleasures of sex at the Altar...why?, what's the benefit or what are the benefits...Paul addresses sex in 1 Cor 6:16-20. He says sex is more of a spiritual thing than a physical thing...hence the statement "the two shall become one" and so sex is nothing like eating Johnathan...it is sacred and should not be treated anyhow. You cant say that the Church has not addressed sex this way, how else do you want it addressed. And how many parents do you know refuse to talk about sex with their children. Of course they wont go straight to it like that simply because parents are wiser and can handle it better than we can. whether or not you like it, you cant tell a 5 year old or even a ten year old all the things you think they should know about sex...why do you need to exactly, what's the gain? or do you just do thing because you can.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you all so quick to judge the body of Christ, I guess you see the Church as nothing more than a building. In class you all agree that the Church sits by judging people, saying this is right and this is wrong but it seems to me that you guys are the once sitting at the judge's table picking out every spec. There is always something wrong with the Church. If you have an experience with some one or some people from your Church, do not be in a haste to blame the Church as a whole for one person's lack of understanding.
I do not see how the Church has made sex dirty...the Church is only addressing the problem in the world today. the problem of misusing and misunderstanding faith. There are some kids who have the wrong ideas about sex, even some adults, it is the job of the Church to correct the problem. We go to Church to hear what God has to say about something, if you want more facts about sex, like how it feels or if its interesting or how it works go ask some married people...oh yeah...talk to your parents about it. If they feel you are ready to talk about everything then they would share, if not, be patient. Besides I have come to believe that innocence and purity makes it more beautiful, If you cant wait till you are married to fully understand the mysteries of sex, then there's a problem somewhere.
Its funny how the problem isn't that sex is being misused not because of lack of knowledge as some may argue but because it is the nature of man to turn good into bad, the problem isn't that morality, virtue and purity are no longer values even among Christians but the problem (for you) is the fact that you want to know more about something you don't necessarily need to know more about (beyond what you already know).
Okay, what is next after talking about sex and all you so desperately want to know about concerning sex? What would you do with all that exactly and how would it be of benefit to you?
I don’t blame the church for making sex dirty. I blame Western society as a whole, but the church has helped this happen by trying to distance herself from the subject. For example, Catholic priest are supposed to be celibate. I don’t know what the reason for this is, but it implies that “spiritual” people are “above” sex (or even marriage), like sex isn't a "good" thing. In practice, so many priest fail to live up to this ideal that the pedophilic priest has become its own stereotype. That’s just one example of why Christianity comes across as prudish. It’s similar to how the church has treated movies, although she has vastly improved on that front. Movies aren’t inherently bad, but some churches have treated them like they are.
DeleteI don’t think I would tell a 5 year old anything about sex, though I MIGHT tell a 10 year old. But I’m not complaining about WHEN they are taught, I’m merely asking why it’s so hard to teach them tactfully. And the reason that I think parents should teach their kids about this is because there are a lot of other voices that will lead them down the wrong paths if they haven’t been taught better.
I don’t bring this up because I want to know more about sex or talk about it all the time. Believe me, I don’t. I only wish my perception of sex wasn’t influenced primarily by people who cheapen and abuse it. I feel like we treat it like something to be ashamed of, but I don’t think it has to be that way. I don't think that learning to talk about it would solve all our problems. Of course people would still choose to use it sinfully. But do we have to live in a world where heathens "own" sex?
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